Another year is coming to a close...Christmas flew by faster than it ever has in my entire life. I cried some that day because my baby is getting bigger, he is growing up and it's happening faster than I want. I wish I could just stare at him all the time so I could make sure not to miss a thing!
"Sometimes you need to hang on to someone else's hope, someone else's peace and sanity while yours is under seige. Do it. Courage, hope, faith, peace...they all come and go. Borrow them from someone else's supply until your own comes back in." --Linda Mundy
I feel like I have overcome a big obstacle, I have moved beyond my depression over the miscarriages, not forgotten, just that I am able to remember them. My best friend Kendra gave me the opportunity to be a part of her last pregnancy/labor and that is what I truly believe helped me to be able to move on and for that I am forever grateful.
Now I can also say I have finally gotten some answers to a lot of my physical ailements. I was recently told that I have uterine prolapse which appears to be the cause of most of my pain/problems for the last 2 1/2 years. I have seen the best doc and he explained to us all of the options that are available to correct this as well as the other things that have been affected by the prolapse. There are temporary fixes for this, one is a surgery and another is called a pessary (I'll spare the details), then there are the other surgical options which aren't recommended for those wanting more children. Either of the temporary fixes will require another surgery eventually. We were thankful for the doctor's information and left the office with a big question that has been quietly lingering in the background of our relationship since March...do we want to try again?
Neither of us wanted to answer for fear it wouldn't be what the other person wanted. We discussed it for awhile and after much thought and much reflection we decided together that we are happy with our family as it is now. This wasn't an easy decision by any means but since then there has been a sense of calm. So now we are focusing on figuring out what surgery will be best for me.
As my friend Jenn recently told me, "count your blessings...it's only human nature to want and overlook what we have." And I really am counting! I am truly blessed in so many ways, more ways than I ever thought before.
